Why do we avoid conflict? It's easier in the short run. We like to be liked. We feel bad when we hurt people's feelings. We hate having our feelings hurt. We need to protect our feelings. We don't want to stir the nest. We can still get around the issue and have a more pleasant environment.
Are long term relationships at work and/or home successful because we let things go? Is it easier to accept things as they are rather than changing them?
Even as leaders we struggle with these questions. We say we pick our battles, keep perspective, prioritize the issues we want to confront and solve.
I look at our President and question our foreign policy, yet keep coming back to the above questions and understand why conflicts need to be confronted.
What do they say- "let sleeping dogs lay". Well, that is only true if that dog doesn't prove to be a threat to our life and liberty once awakened. Do we let terrorists bent on our destruction, assemble, train, buy arms, bomb our cities, our ships and our embassies? Of course not, action needs to be taken and our country certainly has.
In our own lives we are constantly met with potential conflicts. Most we avoid since the consequences of confrontation are greater than the cost of avoidance. But, many of the conflicts need to be confronted, since the long term costs of avoidance are resentment, distrust and unhappiness. The question then becomes how do we handle conflict. How do we confront conflict and assure a resolution that will enhance rather than destroy a relationship?
In my next blog, I will discuss conflict management and the lessons I have learned the hard way and the lessons I am still learning to this very day.